Contemplating

Here I am sitting up late at night contemplating my life and where I am in it. Last week a man in the area shot himself, I did not know this man nor did he require the needs of the hospital on the fateful night (he made sure of that), so I can not presume to know what caused his apparent breakdown. I make reference to him only because it set me to thinking. These type of occurrences tend to bring out the spiritualness in people. He was middle aged, married with four kids, two grown and two in high school. He was well known in the community and seemed to have unlimited friends, luck, joy, and love. So, what makes a person decide the rest of the world, including his family which depended on him entirely for financial security, didn't need him around anymore? I can't even begin to answer this question for this man or anybody else. All I know is that as low as my life has been, and could be again, I have always stopped and thought.... Who will love my children as much as I do if I am gone?