More on the crash

This is the van the boys were riding in on Monday afternoon. Remember, each and every occupant was thrown out of the van. I suppose just looking at it you could say, "no wonder nine died and it's a wonder anybody survived." After a while of seeing these kinds of images though, I can say with certainty...if they had worn seat belts many more would have survived. The seat belts would have kept these young men in the van and, contrary to what it looks like, this van was not so horribly mangled as to cause such destruction. Everybody on board would have been injured and I'm sure some may have perished, but not nine and the survivors wouldn't be hurt near as badly.

I attended a critical incident debriefing last night along with my husband, all that was said in this meeting is confidential so I can't disclose what anybody felt or related. I can say that I left feeling uplifted. However, I woke often last night with nightmares. I realize that sounds like a contradiction, "how could she be uplifted and then come home to have multiple nightmares?" I am telling you, the nightmares are a healing experience. Each one serves a purpose in getting the images out of my head and allows me to focus on the issues my subconscious is dealing with. I appreciate the daze everybody is feeling at the hospital. It too is part of the healing experience. Everybody is eager to talk to one another and nobody feels like they are functioning normally. In fact, I have to stop myself when a patient arrives and wants to dump their stories woes on me. I think to myself, "If you think you have it bad, how do you think these boys and their families feel?" I begin to hate these woeful patients for their lack of sympathy. Then I am reminded, by myself, that they are unaware of the turmoil I and the others I work with are going through.

I have had a stiff neck since last Thursday. I have tried everything to make it go away, nothing works. I spoke with a doctor and he said he'd send me to physical therapy. I can do for myself everything the physical therapist will, so why spend money I don't need to. I comment on my stiff neck only because, since Monday's accident I haven't been as focused on it. It hurts just as badly, but I can't justify feeling pain myself when I know that these boys died in excruciating pain and the survivors are feeling pain unlike any of us will feel in our lifetime.

I know this experience will take a long time to work out of my system. Until then I will continue to work, go to school, be a mother and go about my daily duties. What other choice to I have? Please, friends, keep these boys and their families in your prayers and thoughts. They desperately need the support. Also, love your families! Anyone of theses boys could have been your brother, son, or husband. Let your family know you love them don't let a single day go by without telling them.